I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
birth control should be required to get into college
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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