Nicole vs. Life
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
