6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
