No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
