i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
