he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
