I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Randomize
