and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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