You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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