i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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