I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize