walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
