i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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