Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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