my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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