he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I checked into jail on foursquare
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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