I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
