Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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