My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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