Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize