and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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