A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
