i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
