Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
