if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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