Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
