shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
