hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is Oprah even human
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
