Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
