we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
