Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
