You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
