i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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