its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
