Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
