I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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