can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
