No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
