i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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