so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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