jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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