I think my fart just growled at me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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