i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
