hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
