We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
