soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
