I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think my fart just growled at me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
