i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
