She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
