It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
