walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
