So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's rum buckets o'clock
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
