I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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