Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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