you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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