he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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