This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
