roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
