Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
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