He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
