Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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