i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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