To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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