I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
