Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
